Rasa-rasanya baru empat jam yang lalu saya berkeluh kesah. Menceritakan betapa getir rasa yang saya rasakan. Betapa bermasalahnya musibah tersebut terhadap diri saya.
Sekarang, ALHAMDULILAH. Terima kasih ya Allah. baru saja saya mendapat email yg mengabarkan tentang kabar terbaru permasalahan tersebut. Musibah tersebut sudah usai.
Alhamdulilah ya Allah, kekhawatiran saya tidak terbukti. Saya sangat bersyukut, sungguh nikmat-Mu tiada batasnya. sekarang, saya berkewajiban untuk menyelesaikan program ini dengan tenang dan kembali fokus ke tujuan utama untuk berkuliah secara serius di sini dan mendapatkan nilai yang maksimal.
Bismillah, dengan ridha-Mu ya Allah.
Senin, 15 Agustus 2011
kejatuhan, kekecewaan, dan kesedihan
Mungkin ini adalah post pertama dalam bahasa Indonesia, dan pastinya, bukan post yang terakhir. Mengingat keadaan di sini yang serba tidak pasti dan jauh dari ketenangan, dapat dipastikan saya akan sering nge-post dengan bahasa, untuk memudahkan pengekspresian :).
Tiga kata tersebut mungkin menjadi kata yang tepat untuk menggambarkan apa yang saya rasakan sekarang. Apa yang sedang saya hadapi sekarang di negeri ini. Di mana awalnya saya sangat percaya diri, senang, dan merasa bahagia serta beruntung bisa ke sini melalui program ini, sekarang saya merasa sangat insecure, tidak nyaman, takut, dan merasa tidak aman, dan bahkan sedikit banyak, menyesal. Bukan program ini yang menyebabkan kemunculan perasaan tersebut, tetapi hal-hal yang tidak terduga yang muncul di tengah-tengahnya. Sebut saja, sedang terkena musibah. Shit happens.
Tak perlu saya ungkap detil apa yang terjadi, karena akan berhubungan dengan banyak pihak. cukup saya dan Tuhan saja yang tahu apa yang sedang saya hadapi. Bahkan orang tua saya pun tidak mengetahui hal ini. Bukannya saya mau sok kuat dengan tidak memberitahukannya ke orang tua, saya cuma tidak mau membuat mereka khawatir. Sudah cukup bagi saya untuk terus membebani mereka dengan beban biaya, tidak perlulah sampai menjadi beban pikiran juga.
Yang saya khawatirkan adalah, segala sesuatu yang telah saya korbankan dan lakukan menjadi sia-sia dan saya menjadi tidak fokus dengan tujuan pembelajaran saya di sini.
Well, semoga kekhawatiran saya salah. semoga musibah tersebut bisa terselesaikan dengan baik, program saya berjalan lancar, tujuan saya untuk berkuliah menjadi terfokus kembali.
Tiga kata tersebut mungkin menjadi kata yang tepat untuk menggambarkan apa yang saya rasakan sekarang. Apa yang sedang saya hadapi sekarang di negeri ini. Di mana awalnya saya sangat percaya diri, senang, dan merasa bahagia serta beruntung bisa ke sini melalui program ini, sekarang saya merasa sangat insecure, tidak nyaman, takut, dan merasa tidak aman, dan bahkan sedikit banyak, menyesal. Bukan program ini yang menyebabkan kemunculan perasaan tersebut, tetapi hal-hal yang tidak terduga yang muncul di tengah-tengahnya. Sebut saja, sedang terkena musibah. Shit happens.
Tak perlu saya ungkap detil apa yang terjadi, karena akan berhubungan dengan banyak pihak. cukup saya dan Tuhan saja yang tahu apa yang sedang saya hadapi. Bahkan orang tua saya pun tidak mengetahui hal ini. Bukannya saya mau sok kuat dengan tidak memberitahukannya ke orang tua, saya cuma tidak mau membuat mereka khawatir. Sudah cukup bagi saya untuk terus membebani mereka dengan beban biaya, tidak perlulah sampai menjadi beban pikiran juga.
Yang saya khawatirkan adalah, segala sesuatu yang telah saya korbankan dan lakukan menjadi sia-sia dan saya menjadi tidak fokus dengan tujuan pembelajaran saya di sini.
Well, semoga kekhawatiran saya salah. semoga musibah tersebut bisa terselesaikan dengan baik, program saya berjalan lancar, tujuan saya untuk berkuliah menjadi terfokus kembali.
Selasa, 02 Agustus 2011
Ramadhan Here
Hey there,
This is my first time proceeding Ramadhan outside my country. It also the first Ramadhan withou being around my family. And indeed, I got so many new yet different experiences in doing so. Before we`re moving further, it`d be good in understanding what Ramadhan is and what people (certain people) do during Ramadhan.
Ramadhan is the holy month for Moslem in terms of religious business. During Ramadhan (which took around 30 days on lunar calendar), moslems are obliged to do fasting. Fasting here is not only means by not eating and drinking at day, but also by managing the emotions and desire. All of those things are conducted in order to examine ourselves to be a better person after progressing 30-days-of-fasting. Technically, we don`t eat at noon. We are only allowed to eat in two different times, before the rising of the sun, and after the sunset. Eating before the sunrise commonly called as "sahur", while eating after the sunset called as "Iftar (or 'Buka' in Bahasa).
In the final days of Ramadhan, moslem will celebrate Eid Mubaral or Idul Fitri. The highest celebration of moslem in winning over challenges during Ramadhan. Going back to the pure (pure=Fitri) is the basic value celebrated on Eid Mubarak.
In my country, Indonesia, which has the biggest moslem population yet not a moslem country, people commonly celebrate Ramadhan with their family. On Eid Mubarak, most of Indonesian travelled home to celebrate it joyfully with family. Progressing Sahur with family perhaps become one of the best moment ever with family. Wake up before the sun is rising, and together preparing for eating together, how warm is it!! Same condition applied in Iftar, when every member of family prepares the dishes and beverages for Iftar.
And right now, due to my exchange program, I`m not able to proceed Ramadhan with family. This year Ramadhan is clashed with the exchange date. Means that I`ll be lonely without family for this year Ramadhan. I think that`s okay and no problems, but I was wrong. I can`t forget the warmth and love from family. However, I have to survive in proceeding this Ramadhan.
This is my first time proceeding Ramadhan outside my country. It also the first Ramadhan withou being around my family. And indeed, I got so many new yet different experiences in doing so. Before we`re moving further, it`d be good in understanding what Ramadhan is and what people (certain people) do during Ramadhan.
Ramadhan is the holy month for Moslem in terms of religious business. During Ramadhan (which took around 30 days on lunar calendar), moslems are obliged to do fasting. Fasting here is not only means by not eating and drinking at day, but also by managing the emotions and desire. All of those things are conducted in order to examine ourselves to be a better person after progressing 30-days-of-fasting. Technically, we don`t eat at noon. We are only allowed to eat in two different times, before the rising of the sun, and after the sunset. Eating before the sunrise commonly called as "sahur", while eating after the sunset called as "Iftar (or 'Buka' in Bahasa).
In the final days of Ramadhan, moslem will celebrate Eid Mubaral or Idul Fitri. The highest celebration of moslem in winning over challenges during Ramadhan. Going back to the pure (pure=Fitri) is the basic value celebrated on Eid Mubarak.
In my country, Indonesia, which has the biggest moslem population yet not a moslem country, people commonly celebrate Ramadhan with their family. On Eid Mubarak, most of Indonesian travelled home to celebrate it joyfully with family. Progressing Sahur with family perhaps become one of the best moment ever with family. Wake up before the sun is rising, and together preparing for eating together, how warm is it!! Same condition applied in Iftar, when every member of family prepares the dishes and beverages for Iftar.
And right now, due to my exchange program, I`m not able to proceed Ramadhan with family. This year Ramadhan is clashed with the exchange date. Means that I`ll be lonely without family for this year Ramadhan. I think that`s okay and no problems, but I was wrong. I can`t forget the warmth and love from family. However, I have to survive in proceeding this Ramadhan.
Senin, 01 Agustus 2011
Come back, after almost a year
Hey there,
I`m coming back, finally, after almost a year. A whole year of life filled with debating-campus assignments-model united nations thingy didn`t allow me to have quality time to continue my blog. what a silly excuse. But, this time, I`ll ensure to continue this blog.
As an update, I didn`t stay in Jogja or even Magetan, as I`m used to be, for next 4 months. The scene of my life has been moved to Singapore from August until December. Fortunately granted an opportunity as exchange student in global leading university in Asia, National University of Singapore (NUS), my life is definitely changing. It'll never be the same again, as Dean or Director of the International Relations Office or the old guy talking yesterday at orientation.
The heartbeat is coming. Half of them is so exciting, while the rest is fearing. Rumours said that living as a student here is, definitely, a hell. With abundant numbers of assignments, added by competitive atmosphere, and no-excuse for any imperfections, that might be the reasons people said so. Having read a book "After Orchard" by Margareta Astaman <http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9369361-after-orchard>, quietly give me a big picture about the situations here. But, there always a good side from everything. Being forced in competitive life means examined the endurance of myself in facing the almost-real competitive life. Yeah right it`s so damn hard and difficult, but deal with it and be it !!!
Afterall, class is not started yet, the fear might not be that bad, but it will be bad. Let`s just enjoy this or at least, trying to enjoy this :D.
I`m coming back, finally, after almost a year. A whole year of life filled with debating-campus assignments-model united nations thingy didn`t allow me to have quality time to continue my blog. what a silly excuse. But, this time, I`ll ensure to continue this blog.
As an update, I didn`t stay in Jogja or even Magetan, as I`m used to be, for next 4 months. The scene of my life has been moved to Singapore from August until December. Fortunately granted an opportunity as exchange student in global leading university in Asia, National University of Singapore (NUS), my life is definitely changing. It'll never be the same again, as Dean or Director of the International Relations Office or the old guy talking yesterday at orientation.
The heartbeat is coming. Half of them is so exciting, while the rest is fearing. Rumours said that living as a student here is, definitely, a hell. With abundant numbers of assignments, added by competitive atmosphere, and no-excuse for any imperfections, that might be the reasons people said so. Having read a book "After Orchard" by Margareta Astaman <http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9369361-after-orchard>, quietly give me a big picture about the situations here. But, there always a good side from everything. Being forced in competitive life means examined the endurance of myself in facing the almost-real competitive life. Yeah right it`s so damn hard and difficult, but deal with it and be it !!!
Afterall, class is not started yet, the fear might not be that bad, but it will be bad. Let`s just enjoy this or at least, trying to enjoy this :D.
Kamis, 12 Agustus 2010
Happy Happy Family
I`m going to tell you about my family.
I believe my family is really unique and unusual. The complete family, should consist one father, one mother, and childrens. But in my case, I have two fathers. Well, My father has gone in 1998 and since 2004, My mom married again and I have father again. It makes me to have two fathers. But, I love them both. :-).
Well, let`s just skip into the main points of uniqueness. We, as the family, living in separates area. I mean it, a very different areas. My mom, lives in Magetan where she works as Notary since 12 years ago until now. My sister just start her college life in Malang, currently enrolled as Law student, Brawijaya University. I`m living in Yogyakarta, taking International Relations as my major in Universitas Gadjah Mada, and last, My Dad, works in Jakarta, particularly in Departemen Pertanahan Pusat, but he lives in Bogor, the only place which suits with his favor. See ?? We all, four of us, lives in different region in Java. It implied to the intensity of our gathering. The intensity is quite less compared to common family. Then, once we have a gathering or time to meet each other, it become our special time, the sanctuary of family gathering which so sacred and special. For example, on this Ramadhan, our special time should be a very special, which means it`d better if we use our time in a very well treatment, i.e. it`d be better if you spend your time with family, instead of with your friends or peers.
Hahahhaa.
I believe my family is really unique and unusual. The complete family, should consist one father, one mother, and childrens. But in my case, I have two fathers. Well, My father has gone in 1998 and since 2004, My mom married again and I have father again. It makes me to have two fathers. But, I love them both. :-).
Well, let`s just skip into the main points of uniqueness. We, as the family, living in separates area. I mean it, a very different areas. My mom, lives in Magetan where she works as Notary since 12 years ago until now. My sister just start her college life in Malang, currently enrolled as Law student, Brawijaya University. I`m living in Yogyakarta, taking International Relations as my major in Universitas Gadjah Mada, and last, My Dad, works in Jakarta, particularly in Departemen Pertanahan Pusat, but he lives in Bogor, the only place which suits with his favor. See ?? We all, four of us, lives in different region in Java. It implied to the intensity of our gathering. The intensity is quite less compared to common family. Then, once we have a gathering or time to meet each other, it become our special time, the sanctuary of family gathering which so sacred and special. For example, on this Ramadhan, our special time should be a very special, which means it`d better if we use our time in a very well treatment, i.e. it`d be better if you spend your time with family, instead of with your friends or peers.
Hahahhaa.
Sabtu, 07 Agustus 2010
Starting another trashy blog : Introduction Part I
This is it !! I made my another blog, after the failure in making the first one and losing the apetite in continuing the previous one. I don`t expect too much about my determination in making a blog, due to my short-term-spirit in concentrating and focusing toward a subject. But, I just dont mind it. Learning from failure is what men always do, right ?? So, why I take it so serious ?? let it be then.
Before you`re continuing this trashy blog, I`d like to remind you (it also part of pre-emptive disclaimer), that I`m definitey not good writer, story-teller, or motivator. Reading this blog will not enlight and benefits you in any single thing. My purpose in writing this blog is not about helping or enlightening your life. It`s only part of my ego in having media to crouch, share my anger, my happiness, and complaints. So, if your purpose at the first place is to find out enlighment or even beneficial information, I bet you got the wrong direction, dude. Close this blog and google another blog. Hope you`ll understand :-).
Oh, another disclaimer, it`s about languages and writing. I have to confess that reason why I`m using english on this blog is because I want to exercise my English skills. Therefore, if you find some (or many!) phrases, words, sentences which is gramatically wrong, it would be purely my mistake. I admit that my English skills is really poor. :-(. and I always have people which keeps reminding me about how poor my english is (believe me, they`re exist!). So, once again, why it`s so serious to disclaim these languages thingy ?? To avoid expectation that I have good english skill (I hope).
Well, let`s just start this first post of complicated plot and timeline of the life.
The reason why the name is so strange, long, and hard to read, is because I`m trying to refer the title with what exactly the content is. I do have a very complicated plot and timeline of the life. If I have my personal-writer to write down my biography, it would be so hard for him to make it interesting :-).
Let`s start from myself. I`m the third-year student in International Relations Department, Universitas Gadjah Mada. People might think that because I`m taking my bachelor here, the best university in Indonesia, I`m such kind of smart student, but I regret to tell them that NO, I`m not. I`m not smart student as you expect. The reason why I`m being accepted in UGM is because of my luck. Thanks a gazillion to God for giving me chances to meet and learn the international relations in its best way. Of course, with the a very smart, critical, and genious peers as I met here. The first weeks I had in campus is the a hard week for me. The week that make me realize how poor and stupid am I in having the same level with them. I felt left behind in terms of academics or even non-academics. The depression also shocked me again (keep shocking in regular, actually) when I joined the English Debating Society-Universitas Gadjah Mada (EDS-UGM). This is the society of a very smart and genious students which have their own responsibility and rationality. We are focusing on practising the English Debate Parliamentary and winning the various of competitions in Indonesia, and even in International level. I`m really happy to be the part of EDSUGM family. But, it also makes me feel depressed at the first place on how I need to realzie how stupid am I and how urgent I need to improve my skills, both in English and Public Skill if I want to survive on these organization.
Well, I think I`m too tired to continue. It`s 01.30am. I need to go to my bed now.
Before you`re continuing this trashy blog, I`d like to remind you (it also part of pre-emptive disclaimer), that I`m definitey not good writer, story-teller, or motivator. Reading this blog will not enlight and benefits you in any single thing. My purpose in writing this blog is not about helping or enlightening your life. It`s only part of my ego in having media to crouch, share my anger, my happiness, and complaints. So, if your purpose at the first place is to find out enlighment or even beneficial information, I bet you got the wrong direction, dude. Close this blog and google another blog. Hope you`ll understand :-).
Oh, another disclaimer, it`s about languages and writing. I have to confess that reason why I`m using english on this blog is because I want to exercise my English skills. Therefore, if you find some (or many!) phrases, words, sentences which is gramatically wrong, it would be purely my mistake. I admit that my English skills is really poor. :-(. and I always have people which keeps reminding me about how poor my english is (believe me, they`re exist!). So, once again, why it`s so serious to disclaim these languages thingy ?? To avoid expectation that I have good english skill (I hope).
Well, let`s just start this first post of complicated plot and timeline of the life.
The reason why the name is so strange, long, and hard to read, is because I`m trying to refer the title with what exactly the content is. I do have a very complicated plot and timeline of the life. If I have my personal-writer to write down my biography, it would be so hard for him to make it interesting :-).
Let`s start from myself. I`m the third-year student in International Relations Department, Universitas Gadjah Mada. People might think that because I`m taking my bachelor here, the best university in Indonesia, I`m such kind of smart student, but I regret to tell them that NO, I`m not. I`m not smart student as you expect. The reason why I`m being accepted in UGM is because of my luck. Thanks a gazillion to God for giving me chances to meet and learn the international relations in its best way. Of course, with the a very smart, critical, and genious peers as I met here. The first weeks I had in campus is the a hard week for me. The week that make me realize how poor and stupid am I in having the same level with them. I felt left behind in terms of academics or even non-academics. The depression also shocked me again (keep shocking in regular, actually) when I joined the English Debating Society-Universitas Gadjah Mada (EDS-UGM). This is the society of a very smart and genious students which have their own responsibility and rationality. We are focusing on practising the English Debate Parliamentary and winning the various of competitions in Indonesia, and even in International level. I`m really happy to be the part of EDSUGM family. But, it also makes me feel depressed at the first place on how I need to realzie how stupid am I and how urgent I need to improve my skills, both in English and Public Skill if I want to survive on these organization.
Well, I think I`m too tired to continue. It`s 01.30am. I need to go to my bed now.
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